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...some people feel the rain,some just get wet.
since December 2006
Thursday, April 19, 2007
From Lilith
(Here's one of the personal messages I got in response to my Confession. Thanks, my dear friend Lilith for this and for the permission to post this. You sure have blessed my heart. Keep going and keep looking up to the One who loves you tenderly.)
Hiya Au,
Are we poor, are we sick, are we hurt, are we damaged, are we rejected, jeered, maligned, are we...? Thanks for this wonderful reminder that Someone has been there before us.
Jesus has always made a difference in my life. There have been times I strayed from the path, but it was His sometimes strong, sometimes stern, sometimes gentle and sometimes sweet voice that pulled me back in . The Shepherd knows His own and His own know His voice.
I am undergoing a painful chapter in my life, but I always look up, up, up and know my Savior is there. He keeps me focused when I just want to give up and give in---so much easier.
Have a lovely time with Him. Christianity is fun.
Lilith
Hiya Au,
Are we poor, are we sick, are we hurt, are we damaged, are we rejected, jeered, maligned, are we...? Thanks for this wonderful reminder that Someone has been there before us.
Jesus has always made a difference in my life. There have been times I strayed from the path, but it was His sometimes strong, sometimes stern, sometimes gentle and sometimes sweet voice that pulled me back in . The Shepherd knows His own and His own know His voice.
I am undergoing a painful chapter in my life, but I always look up, up, up and know my Savior is there. He keeps me focused when I just want to give up and give in---so much easier.
Have a lovely time with Him. Christianity is fun.
Lilith
Thursday, April 05, 2007
confession
I walked furiously from office to home yesterday. With angry tears, I prayed in my head and was totally shocked at the evil thought that lurked within me.
I wanted someone killed. He's been giving my family a problem for a number of times now. I couldn't bear the thought of losing any of my family members to this non-sense, desperate guy! Surely, I can afford to pay for his life. Oh, gosh. I never imagined I would have such a murderous thought!
This crazy guy made a scary hostage-taking kind of drama in our home. He held my sister in the neck, dragged her around, with a knife few inches away from her. My trembling mother, grandmother, nephew, cousins and other people who were there tried to help, but surely fear and the shock of the moment had overtaken them.
The stupid, incompetent police who was called for help didn't respond because he said it seemed "peaceful" already and that he didn't want to get involved with a family problem! Goodness! How on earth?!? I wished to give him a good slap in the face if I was there!
Things are better now at home. Thank God, my family is safe and the crazy guy promised not to do it and never to bother my sister again (who broke up with him).
I cried my heart out as I thought about all the trauma my family had to go through. I wanted to eliminate the man for me to feel secure for my family! Sending him to prison is no guarantee that he is locked forever. As I prayed, my sinful heart was exposed. I was reminded that Somone had already paid for our lives at the highest cost. Jesus died for every one of us so that we may know God and have eternal life. He's giving all of us second chances. He died for each one of us - and that includes the guy that I wanted dead and punished.
I have no right to take away his life because Jesus had already paid the price. I can only trust and commit everything to Him. I can pray that God would change his heart. I can pray that God would keep my family safe.
This beautiful passage rebuked me, hushed me down and captivated my soul. I asked for forgiveness. It made my heart quiet, at peace, and grateful. Such a timely reminder as we celebrate Good Friday. I submit to the God who never fails.
I wanted someone killed. He's been giving my family a problem for a number of times now. I couldn't bear the thought of losing any of my family members to this non-sense, desperate guy! Surely, I can afford to pay for his life. Oh, gosh. I never imagined I would have such a murderous thought!
This crazy guy made a scary hostage-taking kind of drama in our home. He held my sister in the neck, dragged her around, with a knife few inches away from her. My trembling mother, grandmother, nephew, cousins and other people who were there tried to help, but surely fear and the shock of the moment had overtaken them.
The stupid, incompetent police who was called for help didn't respond because he said it seemed "peaceful" already and that he didn't want to get involved with a family problem! Goodness! How on earth?!? I wished to give him a good slap in the face if I was there!
Things are better now at home. Thank God, my family is safe and the crazy guy promised not to do it and never to bother my sister again (who broke up with him).
I cried my heart out as I thought about all the trauma my family had to go through. I wanted to eliminate the man for me to feel secure for my family! Sending him to prison is no guarantee that he is locked forever. As I prayed, my sinful heart was exposed. I was reminded that Somone had already paid for our lives at the highest cost. Jesus died for every one of us so that we may know God and have eternal life. He's giving all of us second chances. He died for each one of us - and that includes the guy that I wanted dead and punished.
I have no right to take away his life because Jesus had already paid the price. I can only trust and commit everything to Him. I can pray that God would change his heart. I can pray that God would keep my family safe.
This beautiful passage rebuked me, hushed me down and captivated my soul. I asked for forgiveness. It made my heart quiet, at peace, and grateful. Such a timely reminder as we celebrate Good Friday. I submit to the God who never fails.
"He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered,
who knew pain firsthand.One look at him and people turned away...
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us...
it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost...
God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him.
He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn't say a word.
He was beaten, he was tortured, but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared, he took it all in slence.
He died without a thought for his own welfare, beaten bloody for the sins of my people...
He'd never hurt a soul or said one word that wasn't true.
Still, it's what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain.
Still, it's what God had in mind all along, to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin so that he'd see life come from it...
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,
will make many "righteous ones,"
he looked death in the face and didn't flinch...
he took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.
Isaiah 53:3-12 (The Message)
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Anam Cara
(Here's a copy (shorter version) of my friend's recent published article. Thank you, Ms. Diadema Emping. You made my day!:-))
*****************************************************
WE WERE in the same journalism class back in college. But I hardly noticed her in the beginning. One minute she was there and the next, only God knew where she went.
I found her so mysterious. So aloof. And I was like, “What’s wrong with her?” I was moved to curiosity when our teacher asked about her whereabouts. Okay, so her name’s Aurelia. Quiet, reserved. A returnee undergoing a hard time. She didn’t talk a lot so I supposed she didn’t want to be disturbed. I didn’t have the slightest clue that in her I had found my anam cara. Yes, she is the friend of my soul!
Fast forward. We became friends. Don’t ask me how because I don’t know either. But in the meantime, we’ll settle for a memory that began in Tops, a high point in Busay Hills.
In one of our occasional talks, I must have mentioned to her that I love to be in high places like the mountaintop where I can feel some liberation and peace. So she invited me to go to Tops with her brother-in-law, which I certainly enjoyed. The highlight of that night came when we held hands, stood under a wishing bell, rang it, and threw a wish like a zephyr song.
And it is a memory that can never be put into oblivion because I know my wish reached the ears of the angels. Now we are at peace in bartering monikers. I call her “Yang” and she calls me “Wawa.” And I just find it so sweet.
Aurelia is a very great friend. That call-me-and-I’ll-be-there friend is indeed her. In fact, I need not tell her if I’m experiencing a tornado in my life because she knows it already.
My anam cara never fails to give me the impetus I so very much need. More than anything else, she knows me by heart, so much that I need not explain myself to her. I don’t have to struggle telling her how I feel. She knows my happiness and my loneliness because, at whatever season of my life, she’s always there.
What pains me is that she’s now in Singapore, working as a writer/editor of a publication.And I’m happy for her. I really hate goodbyes. They make the rain fall. But at some point in our lives, we have to deal with them no matter how painful and sad. So I just wish Singapore will take care of her.
I’ll forever treasure our happy memories and carry them in my heart. I’ll just build a bridge in our hearts and cross it every time I miss her.For now, goodbye, McDo burger meals, Coke float and French fries. Goodbye, PUJ front seats and Ayala cinemas. Goodbye, Lilo-an lighthouse and Kawasan Falls. ‘Til then. (Diadema Emping, Sun.Star Cebu Weekend)
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
free to make mistakes
I attended an aerobics session the other night.:-)I was terrible. I felt like my knee and hip bones were disoriented! When others turned right, I turned the opposite direction. While most didn't have difficulty in following the instructor, I found myself catching up my breath, realizing I was left behind by a count or two most of the times! I was making mistakes - but totally laughing my heart out; enjoying the moment of learning, admitting my limitations, and being free to make mistakes without being judged!
It reminded me of my days in Cebu where I loved joining aerobics/taebo sessions at Cebu City Sports Center. It was something I used to dread though. I just wanted to walk around. About six years ago, my friend Jennifer Skelton-Pope asked me to join her in one aerobics session (she was also just trying that time). I was so hesitant because I wasn't sure if I would do it right. But I looked at the people who joined the session - and they were all going in different directions! That gave me confidence to join. Haha! And there, I realized it was okay. I didn't have to perfom well to please myself or anyone. I didn't have to pass some kind of standard. We were all learning together.
So I began to like it and look forward to it. Exercise became more fun. When I join aerobics/taebo, I enjoy so much sense of freedom and fun! The other person beside you won't mind if you can't bend your body well, or if you can't seem to lift your butt. Everyone just moves on. It is quite tiring and could painfully be stretching to your body (if you're new), but the ordeal becomes easier and fun because no one picks up on you. The instructor will tell you to keep trying, to stretch some more, to keep up with the beat, etc. But if you can't, you are free to stop, pick up your towel and laugh about it.
It reminded me of my days in Cebu where I loved joining aerobics/taebo sessions at Cebu City Sports Center. It was something I used to dread though. I just wanted to walk around. About six years ago, my friend Jennifer Skelton-Pope asked me to join her in one aerobics session (she was also just trying that time). I was so hesitant because I wasn't sure if I would do it right. But I looked at the people who joined the session - and they were all going in different directions! That gave me confidence to join. Haha! And there, I realized it was okay. I didn't have to perfom well to please myself or anyone. I didn't have to pass some kind of standard. We were all learning together.
So I began to like it and look forward to it. Exercise became more fun. When I join aerobics/taebo, I enjoy so much sense of freedom and fun! The other person beside you won't mind if you can't bend your body well, or if you can't seem to lift your butt. Everyone just moves on. It is quite tiring and could painfully be stretching to your body (if you're new), but the ordeal becomes easier and fun because no one picks up on you. The instructor will tell you to keep trying, to stretch some more, to keep up with the beat, etc. But if you can't, you are free to stop, pick up your towel and laugh about it.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
being more intentional
Some things just don't happen by thinking of them. One has to intentionally pursue them to make them real. For me, exercise is one. For the past few months, I thought soooo much of making sure I get enough exercise. In fact, I take a 40-minute walk from office to home in most days. It takes away my stress. Also, I even dare to look funny in front of our TV set following a woman doing a two-mile trim walk on the video! Now I can almost memorize all her lines! But with my lifestyle - spending too much time working on computer, with my not-so-ideal diet, etc. - I'm not doing enough. I gained so much weight.
This issue concerns me not because it makes me feel ugly, but because it makes me sick! I easily get tired. My migraine attacks me more often now. I get chest pains. My stamina went down.
Despite all these, work and other pleasures in life still take the front seat. I often postpone my exercise time. "Got so much work today", "I'm so tired", or "I better read or watch movie" are some of old excuses. Well, it was time to get up! Finally, my housemate convinced me (and dragged me) to the gym last week. We signed up for six-month membership! This way, I hope to be more disciplined and intentional with my exercise. There's always time for everything.
This issue concerns me not because it makes me feel ugly, but because it makes me sick! I easily get tired. My migraine attacks me more often now. I get chest pains. My stamina went down.
Despite all these, work and other pleasures in life still take the front seat. I often postpone my exercise time. "Got so much work today", "I'm so tired", or "I better read or watch movie" are some of old excuses. Well, it was time to get up! Finally, my housemate convinced me (and dragged me) to the gym last week. We signed up for six-month membership! This way, I hope to be more disciplined and intentional with my exercise. There's always time for everything.